Ladies & Dudes??

Last night, whilst sitting at a poker game, hosted in one of my regular haunts I heard something which got the ball Rolling. A female player said something quite funny, but it was not her humor that was astonishing but rather her colourful language; the number of f*cks, sh@ts and c^nts thrown around could make an onion cry. But to be fair, this is the general vernacular of the poker table, a game where a bunch of friends come together to try con each other out of little bit of money lubricated by booze and general "slothdom". I like it. It lets you breathe and sometimes wash away the stresses of the long hard day, and generally there's not much at the table that would get me thinking about life and such, but this did.

The ladies' joke was quite vulgar but not one of the words used were new or shocking to my ears. Then I thought if there were some ladies around that may not have gone down as smoothly, but realised I was wrong in that regard. The number of young women in my age bracket (18-24) that use foul language off-handedly is astonishing. I thought about my friends, how our conversations are very seldom not littered with profanity, to the point where we struggle to understand where we've used a 'rude' word. And generally with the more and more women I meet this is true. It is not something that particularly sticks out because it's just a part of social norms embedded into us from 'god-knows-where'. After I'd heard this joke my ears were now tuned into finding every swear-word I could; which then led me to a question, where the hell have all our manners gone? I was the youngest person at the table (24) sitting with people at least double my age, and I was swearing after every other word. And it was being accepted. Now I know this is situational, but it is true of most of the times I'm around people. Not only for me but for my friends and their girlfriends too. It has become such common practice to talk at will without thinking of the words we use, our use of vocabulary is at an all time low; when in doubt add a F*ck before the word for emphasis. This is not an indictment on peoples intelligence (although it could be) but rather a query as to what has happened to all the Ladies & Gentlemen. I watch a lot of movies and TV shows am I am an avid reader, and generraly in time-based pieces the guys are very gentle-like with the ladies and will not use such colourful language in front of the fairer-sex. They would be rough and untamed whilst watching a soccer game or playing a round of Golf, but as soon as a woman was inserted in the situation, men became very good boys. I remember being younger and being scared to swear in front of my female cousins for fear they might tell on me, knowing full well they might have already heard me. But the point was that language was intolerable unless you were a grown adult talking to another grown adult and not in the company of children or the opposite sex. And unfortunately this disease lives in both sexes of my generation. Young women now curse with the roughest of guys and are proud of it. The more & more I think about it the more I feel turned off towards those women. I excuse it by saying; "but we're young", sadly that is one of the reasons why we should do it less. The old people have reason for using foul language, they're old and they've seen shit. Our reason is that it was a means of rebellion as teens but it can't be that anymore, can it?

I think about seeing a young woman drunk beyond her means, that's not attractive, seeing young women who are incredibly aggressive towards each other, not sexy, chicks who think its cool that they can speak a understandable sentance without using one word that isn't filthy, okay that's kind of a turn on. But the point I'm trying to make is women always say Chivalry is dead, but there is no more maidens to be chivalrous to. A good looking girl who is so drunk that she can't stand straight or not talk like the cookie monster is not something that most guys would like to be with, but on the flip-side of the coin there are no Gentlemen for the girls to be ladies for. We treat them like dirt, act like absolute baboons to try get their attention and then expect them not to do the same? What has happened to our romance, I know you'll say I'm soft or backwards but let's be honest, isn't a joy when you talk to someone your age that has an iota of a knowledgeable thought to share in a conversation. Someone who hasn't said YOLO for at least 3days, or doesn't just say LOL they actually Laugh Out Loud...

I keep claiming that the reason I don't have a girlfriend is that I don't want one, but to be fair it's probably because they're all too rude for me to feel safe introducing to my mother. Somewher inside of me the younger kid is still slightly terrified to use rude words in front of eldars and to a certain extent in front of women. I'm not saying that I should now think of things in an old-fashioned way, but in a more mature way and expect to see similar approaches to myself. How about asking her what her name is, properly then leading the conversation towards something simple and innocent that isn't about the latest hype, hipster trend or app.

I don't know if I'm just talking out my ass or what, but I'd like to say a few words that require me swearing in front of a beautiful woman in order for her to see just how tough I am, she can learn about that later...

Daddy?

Sometimes I wonder if we've lost him forever. If we're not his as much as he is still ours. It's the constant pictures and the never-ending updates from her that make me feel this way.

These were the words of my 17 year old sister talking about our father and his new-wife.

It's our first time to have a step-parent, and although we have known her for quite a while, it's still something to get accustomed to. She is a lovely lady with a kind heart and my father loves her. She hasn't tried to replace my mother, and thank-goodness for that, but has tried to foster her own relationships with us individually.
A noble idea, which I think has backfired since the introduction of my half-sister Nandi. All of 5 months old, she must be the most facebooked baby ever! Everyday I log onto facebook and am graced with a new pic of her, chewing on a toy, pushing the dog, sleeping or sometimes just staring suspiciously at the camera. There is a lot of Nandi that goes around on the internet. I am happy for my father and for my step-mother, but having spoken to my sister about how she's doing the above words lingered in my mind for too long. To an extent I agree with her. Although my sister spends every-other week with at my father's place she still feels like she hardly knows him anymore, she feels she is no longer his sweetheart, which breaks my heart. My father and I had an incredibly turbulent relationship from when I was about 14/15 till I was about 22/23, an understandable situation given my age and his wishes for my future. We could not see eye-to-eye but we found a way to make it work eventually. We had our few rituals and our conversations can now be frank and honest without the fear that we are somehow failing each other. But to be fair, the more time I spend around him, the more I feel there is no room for me and my sister in his life. He has a new wife with a new baby daughter, and although they all live in the house I grew up in since I was 8, they have renovated quite substantially and that doesn't feel familiar either. Thankfully I am now grown and autonomous enough that I can see these things as minor bumps in the road, but for my sister (who literally spends half her life with these people) it is harder to imagine how alone she must feel in that house. My father is wholly concerned with the baby, as he should be, but it seems everything about him has changed. The friends he invites over are no longer familiar faces but the facades of strabgers come into her life by way of the step-mom. The food has changed, the way the house works has changed and it can all be attributed to the fact that our father now has a new family. Given the gap between my two sister's I do not see them forging as strong a bond as my natural-sister and I have. She will be off to University or on a gap year next year and will be spending less & less time at home, even worse less time at a house which was her Home. I'm not sure how to deal with this, but the wisdom of my sister's words hurt, as I watched a man try to hold on to two parts of his life that he is failing to bring together. We are his old children, his old life. They are his current life, his now and his tomorrow. So I wonder we've lost him forever, or if this is just another moment in our tumultuous relationship that will serve to bring us all together in a stronger bond. Whatever it is, I need it to make my father & Sister's relationship better, because she is the reason I live and if it is lost for her it would break my heart forever and I would never be able to forgive him...

Who's Icon?

I was watching a very well-made show last night called Homeland. It is another American story of their continued "war with Terrorism", it is told very well and it is very gripping. But yet again it only continued to remind me of how irritating American values can be. It is a show that also prescribes to the idea of America being a faultless entity when it comes to world-politics, the horror of the 9/11 attacks is held over your head continually as an Icon of 'American Freedoms' & 'American Values', that to be honest puts a bit of a sour taste in y mouth. I do not mean to trivialise that which is obviously a blight on the record of all humane people, but I realised that the Icon of Ground Zero & 9/11 had a very little impact on my world views. As I delved more into this thought pattern I started to think about things closer to home. Nelson Mandela is a universal Icon of triumph over oppressors, he is the face of the South African Liberation Movement, a man who faced a lifetime of hate and yet was still able to find the love needed to help guide a young nation to its feet. He is a great man, however as I interrogated all that is Madiba vs Apartheid I realised I have very little room to start preaching anything about this man. He is an Icon whose impact mostly washed on the personalities of my predecessors. I cannot claim to have watched a mans fight against the system finally come to the fore and he succeeds, I cannot claim to know completely what it means to become free as I was never not free. I realised that as much as me & my peers idolise an incredible human being, we should rather idolise the idea that he represents.

Thus I descended into more thought of how different Icons (Good or Bad) have shaped the history of our world forever. Mahatma Gandhi was the man who led India to a non-violent Independence from Britain. He represents absolute serenity with ones being in order to provide serenity to the world. Another great man.
Or when I think of Adolf Hitler, the Austrian born German politician who became Dictator of Nazi Germany. He was the center of WWII and of the Holocaust. He was considered unstoppable as a leader & is still known to be one of the best propaganda artists to have ever spoken. A great man, an EVIL man, but still great.

And as I sift through more and more of these type of people, from Malcolm X, Winston Churchill, Walter Sisulu, Anne Frank and the list goes on and on, I find myself saying the same things as above, these are not my Icons. Their ideals and what they represented, most definitely, but them as Icons in my life, no.

I realised that for me I idolised very, very different Icons. I refuse to see people like Julius Malema as the defining character of modern South African Politics. I cannot accept that our president says & does things as if the rest of us are a bunch of monkeys trying to mock him. These cannot be the people that define our period, MY period in history. They have neither the supreme stature of Martin Luther King nor the nefarious nature of Moussolini. However I also realise that my imagination runs away with me and the people I seek in reality are now manifested in fiction. Some of the icons of my mind range from clowns out of movies to paupers from books. Ram Mohammad Thomas is a character from a book called Q & A by Vikas Swarup, he starts off as a homeless child in India and soon becomes one of India's richest people, after he wins a reality show. Th book was very quickly turned into the blockbuster Slumdog Millionaire, a story of a simple man with more than simple ideas and aspirations. He is driven by his love for a young girl, which he uses to change his world forever.
I am a die-hard fan of Christopher Nolan's Batman movies, and so the characters are some of my favourite people ever. The Joker has a passion for Chaos, Bane a yearning for Evil to rise and Ra's al Ghul the ambition to rule the world. Above them hovers the Dark Knight, Batman, whose sole purpose in life is to thwart their progress and re-instill the fighting spirit within the people of Gotham city. It is this singular fact that one man believes he can change the world that makes it so enticing. Nelson Mandela believed it, Gandhi too, so why is it beyond belief that I can find my Utopian driven ideals within the frames of cinema or the pages of a book. What Govan Mbeki represented to the comrades of the ANC, they represent for me. These are my Icons, they are no better and no worse than other peoples icons, but I think its time we re-assess how much faith we place in Icons that we can never truly relate to as their time and their struggle were before me, but their image and their message is timeless.

So do not judge me when I say I may not really care what happens to Nelson Mandela. Judge me when I say I care about how his & Batman's ideals are the same and must live forever within our hearts.

And yes I know I did not spell the title correctly.

2013...so much of possibility

So The year has turned and this is the beginning of a new life, a fresh start, an unwritten chapter. Or we could look at things as if we are now 1 year closer to our ultimate demise, another year to waste and decay,a new wound yet to scab over.
Whichever way I choose to look at it, I am surprisingly scared of what the year ahead has in store for me. 2012 showed me that my plans are rough outlines, at best, and at worst they are nothing to write home about. I am filled with anger & animosity concerning where my life is at the start of 2013, which at some point I thought would never come around. No not due to the Mayan prediction, but due to my lack of self-control, direction and focus. I watched as I continually squandered chance after chance to progress myself and then feigned surprise and confusion to the outside world. This failure not only plagued my career, but my personal life too. I was caught in a continuous downward spiral in my romantic life as I pushed away some people that I wasn't ready to hurt but realised that by alienating them I had already fulfilled a predetermined destiny of being forever alone. My sexual exploits took on this same confused and out of control state, nothing was beyond trying, and for some reasons all manner of girls would follow me down into this dark pit of sexual promiscuity without a promise of any strings...

However, I do feel that due to all the above ranting of my "doomed and Horrible" life, I have come out on the other side a better person. I'm not just only as emo and existentially conflicted in my life, I do also like shit. I learnt that the self-control was less about actually controlling myself but controlling how I felt about certain things, how I felt about how & why people judged me & my chosen lifestyle. I found that the less I judge myself for my actions, the less I care how I'm judged by others. I've made my choices, good & bad, but they are MY choices and this year should be based on that singular thought. My choices should be better, in fact they should be PERFECT at all times!!! The only way to achieve perfection is to take what is already imperfect and accept it as YOUR perfection, no-one & nothing can take that away from me. I will be perfect this year, and my career outcomes and personal goals will come to blend into one-another to the point where none will be able to discern me from one place to another. Once my means of living becomes a part of what I love, I cannot not be perfect, in your eyes or mine.

This year, I wake up & piss EXCELLENCE!!!