2013...so much of possibility

So The year has turned and this is the beginning of a new life, a fresh start, an unwritten chapter. Or we could look at things as if we are now 1 year closer to our ultimate demise, another year to waste and decay,a new wound yet to scab over.
Whichever way I choose to look at it, I am surprisingly scared of what the year ahead has in store for me. 2012 showed me that my plans are rough outlines, at best, and at worst they are nothing to write home about. I am filled with anger & animosity concerning where my life is at the start of 2013, which at some point I thought would never come around. No not due to the Mayan prediction, but due to my lack of self-control, direction and focus. I watched as I continually squandered chance after chance to progress myself and then feigned surprise and confusion to the outside world. This failure not only plagued my career, but my personal life too. I was caught in a continuous downward spiral in my romantic life as I pushed away some people that I wasn't ready to hurt but realised that by alienating them I had already fulfilled a predetermined destiny of being forever alone. My sexual exploits took on this same confused and out of control state, nothing was beyond trying, and for some reasons all manner of girls would follow me down into this dark pit of sexual promiscuity without a promise of any strings...

However, I do feel that due to all the above ranting of my "doomed and Horrible" life, I have come out on the other side a better person. I'm not just only as emo and existentially conflicted in my life, I do also like shit. I learnt that the self-control was less about actually controlling myself but controlling how I felt about certain things, how I felt about how & why people judged me & my chosen lifestyle. I found that the less I judge myself for my actions, the less I care how I'm judged by others. I've made my choices, good & bad, but they are MY choices and this year should be based on that singular thought. My choices should be better, in fact they should be PERFECT at all times!!! The only way to achieve perfection is to take what is already imperfect and accept it as YOUR perfection, no-one & nothing can take that away from me. I will be perfect this year, and my career outcomes and personal goals will come to blend into one-another to the point where none will be able to discern me from one place to another. Once my means of living becomes a part of what I love, I cannot not be perfect, in your eyes or mine.

This year, I wake up & piss EXCELLENCE!!!